You are most likely really, really good at managing your life.

The bills are paid. The kids get where they need to go. Work gets done. Everybody is taken care of.

But here is the question I want to ask you: are you participating in it?

The school mornings

Every school morning, I was really good at getting my kids ready. They were never late. Not once.

And I was also the mom screaming and pushing them out the door so they would be on time.

The final result was intact. The kids were at school, on time. But I was not really there. I was not participating in that moment with them, in those last minutes before they left the house for hours.

That's how it happens. You get so good at producing the result that you become someone you don't even recognize anymore.

The questions we learned to ask

Think about the questions running your day:

• What needs to happen next?
• Who needs something from me?
• What do I need to take care of first?
• What would be the responsible choice right now?
• What would a good mother do? A good wife? A good professional?

These are manager questions. We learned them from a very young age, especially as women, and we ask them all the time.

There is nothing wrong with them. They built the life you have. But there is one question missing from that list:

Who do I want to become inside the life that all of these decisions are creating?

Who do I want to be in the morning when my kids get to school on time? Who am I becoming here?

It's not your fault

We have been taught to achieve more, to behave better, to contribute, to manage, to care for others. Some of us even remember an adult telling us exactly how a girl should behave.

But nobody taught us how to consciously participate in our own becoming.

So if you don't know how to participate in your life yet, please hear this: it's not your fault. You were never taught how. Give yourself a little pat on the back and relax a bit. This is something you can learn.

What participating looks like

Participating doesn't mean doing more. It doesn't mean dropping the responsibilities either.

It means adding one more question to the ones you already ask. Before the next task, the next errand, the next "what needs to happen now," pause for a second and ask:

Who do I want to be while I do this?

Maybe the answer is calm. Maybe it's playful. Maybe it's simply present. The kids still get to school on time. You just get to be there for it.

Try it once this week, in one ordinary moment. Notice what changes.

Want to go deeper with me? Every Thursday I teach a free live class. Save your spot for this week's class.