Get Out of the Rut - Episode # 8
Thinking About Your Thoughts
Hey guys, today I am so glad to be here with you and I want to talk about one specific topic that is so important, but I didn't even realize how important that was until I got involved with coaching and this whole self development world.
So, if you have been in this world for a little bit longer, you are most likely familiar to this whole idea of your thoughts and how to start thinking about your thoughts. But before I had no idea how important that was. And I can see, you know, people in my life, some friends, family members, that they are not aware at all.
And sometimes it blows my mind how some people will live their lives without even noticing their thoughts. And then on the other hand, There are a lot of people that are familiar with this concept, but it's still don't understand how much that is impacting your life. And one thing that I have studied quite a bit and learned a lot and really developing with myself, it's the idea of things in your life are completely neutral.
Like we put the meaning into everything, even to the table that it's holding my computer right now, right? I put the meaning to it based on my thoughts about my table and I like to use my husband as an example because he is not the type of person that is super aware of his own thinking.
Like for him, it's just like, things are what they are. It's a table who cares but what I really want to show today in this episode, it's the importance of us How much our thoughts are creating the reality, because it's an really understanding how much the thoughts are creating the reality and also understanding that you do have control over it.
But when we are living life just day by day, just on autopilot, we're like, not really thinking about those types of things. It's really hard for us to even understand why we're feeling the way we feel. And it always starts with the thoughts, right? It always starts with your thinking.
So, let's talk a little bit more about it. Another reason why I want you to start thinking about your thoughts is because that is how you start to love yourself. That's how you start to appreciate yourself. And it's by understanding how you speak to yourself. A lot of times we don't notice that we have this internal dialogue. And this dialogue, most times will be very, very mean.
And that is how you treat yourself on a daily basis. And you don't even notice. Um, I think I've mentioned before in the podcast, I know I mentioned to my clients quite a bit that before coaching, I really do like to see my life as before and after coaching, because it really changed a lot. It changed my identity.
It changed how I see myself even changed how I um, behave in how I portray myself and how I speak to others about myself. And my whole life changed because of it, even though nothing changed, I still live in the same house. I still have the same children. I still have the same husband, or just things didn't change, but how I see everything changed so much.
And, uh, Because of it, I truly believe I'm a happier person. I feel so much more confidence than I used to before because of this work of really understanding your thinking and understanding what the thinking is creating in your life, because your thoughts do create your reality. Even as the example, as I was using before with the table, it's that, you know, for my husband, as an example, he's just like, that's a table who cares what matters, right?
What does the matter? your table. And for me, the table says so much about me, right? When I start to really understanding the thinking behind this, it's, um, and you go a little bit deeper, right? This way, it's really understanding that what, what does it mean about me? Like right now, my table is quite messy, right?
And then I start to associate that with me because that's what you see. You'll only see that, um, Projection of yourself. So me looking at this table right now, this messy, I could start saying things like you are so disorganized. You can never be successful. You're just not good enough. You can't even keep this desk right.
Clean and organized. You're just not good enough to do this. Those are the thinking that I would have before. The problem is because I wasn't paying attention to the thinking, because I wasn't noticing what the, what the background noise was in my life, I would just feel like, as soon as I saw this messy table, I would feel bad and believe that that was the reality, right?
Like just believe that I have this bad feeling that's guiding my life and guiding my actions and driving my results. And I wouldn't even know what it is. When we start to notice that negative dialogue that we have and the inner critic voice and really becoming clear of what the inner critic is. Now you have some control.
Now you have the ability to see that, Oh, this is not me. And maybe I don't need to listen to this voice. Maybe I can, I wouldn't say ignore, but a lot of times you don't need to process the voice. You understand. My dad, when I was little, he would say little things. My dad, when, when I was little, my dad used to say little things that, it's quite mean, so don't judge him.
But um, if, you know, a neighbor complained about something, he would be like, well, this neighbor is always complaining about something. Of course. Like, what, what did you expect? Why did you expect that that would be different? So it wasn't even processing what the neighbor had said for him just because it was coming out of that one person's mouth.
He didn't need to process. It was just something that it makes sense that this person with that life would be thinking those things and saying and complaining about the same things. And for him, it really helped him live a life with very little stress. My dad is not a stressed person at all, but mainly because of this, he had the ability to see now if for someone that he highly respected, he'd be like, Oh, I want to pay attention to this person.
Look what he's saying, or she's saying. Because, you know, what do you expect coming out of this person's mouth? Of course it would be great. Right. That was the little idea that he had with people in general in his life. Well, I started using that to the voices inside of my head. When I learned what my inner critic sounded like, and I call it the judge, right?
Like that is the very judgmental, mean person that lives inside of my head. As soon as I notice, and the way I would notice would be with the feeling first. I would notice that. All of a sudden I looked at this table and I felt really bad and I was like, Oh, look, it's the judge talking to me. Now, in the beginning of this work, I was paying a lot of attention to what that voice was saying to me because I wanted to understand and I wanted to show myself that that was not the reality.
Having a messy table or messy desk does not say anything about me. I add the meaning into this uh, conversation inside of my head. Now, nowadays, I really, as soon as I feel that judge coming up to me and I feel like the emotion in my body about it, I'm just like, Oh, that's, you know, I know that that's not something I even need to pay attention or listen or process, right?
I can't just sometimes even ignore because it's not something that I'm working towards. I don't want to waste my time and energy and mental, you know, that the mental juice in something that really, it's not going to take me anywhere because I'm not even processing those things. Anyways, I digressed. What I want you to see is that it's not until you notice that dialogue inside of your head and notice that voice of the inner critics and what the inner critics telling you that you can make the decision to listen or not listen.
You need to be aware that something is happening inside of your mind. A good exercise that I offer to all of my clients when we are just starting out in this situation is to sit down on your couch for two minutes. Set a timer, right? Set a timer on your phone and just sit there quietly and listen attentively to what is happening in your mind.
And a lot of times you see, like, you notice the thoughts, you notice the conversation. You would notice how bad that conversation is. When I start paying attention to my thoughts, I would do a lot of in the shower and I noticed how much I would fight with people in a shower, only my mind. Right? I would have this very long arguments with people, arguments that never happened or even something that had happened many years ago.
And I would be offering like this different perspective of the argument that I hadn't mentioned when the problem happened many, many years ago. Right? That's where I would use my time in a shower to have this very negative. And I would feel the energy from those, you know, internal conversations. I would feel how, um, demoralizing that was.
It was just not a nice feeling to have because of the story that I had in my mind, especially on the autopilot, right? The conversations that would come out of nowhere were very negative. Well, fast forward, since I started processing those things and learning, Um, and really commanding my brain to have a better outlook, even up towards myself.
And that's where the self love comes in, right? Like when I start to develop this true self love, now the conversations in the shower is so different. I actually enjoy it. I enjoy taking a shower in the morning and just letting my mind go. And, you know, Fly free, just thinking about the thoughts that I have, because it's so uplifting.
I think about my business. I think about my clients. I think about my courses, right? I'm just developing right now, this eight week course. I'm just developing right now this eight week training, um, for the business mindset growth. And it's a beautiful course. And I'm going to tell you, most of it came out of the shower, right?
Because that's now where my mind goes. I'm thinking about how can I help my clients in a different level? But that only comes when you notice the thoughts and you do this work to process how you speak to yourself. I like to say that about 90 percent of, I like to say that about 90 percent of your life happens in your head, right?
It's 90 percent of your relationships happen in your head. Just imagine for me and my children, I see my children a little bit in the morning before they go to school, I get them ready, right? And then off they go. Drop them off. And then in the evening I go there and I pick them up and I spend a couple of hours with them, maybe three or four hours.
And we hang out a little bit, we, you know, have dinner, we have a little relationship and then that's it. But I have this huge relationship with them that happens in my head, even when they are there sitting by me. Right? I'm looking at my children and sometimes I'm not speaking to them. Let's say that we were watching a movie.
We're just there snuggling, watching the movie, but I have all those thoughts about my relationship with them. Right? I can look and say how beautiful they are or how annoying they are or right they need a haircut or look at their fingernails like, Oh crap, I haven't clipped their fingernails this week.
And look, it's dirty. Oh, I'm a bad mom or I'm a great mom because I'm thinking that they need to, I need to clip their fingernails. Right? All of those things are only happening in my mind. The actual. situation here, the actual circumstances, the fact is that I'm spending two hours hugging my children, period.
Everything else I just talked about are my thoughts about that situation. So when we have 90 percent of your life happening inside of your head, don't you think we should know what is happening there? Don't you think we should be aware of the thoughts? Right? That at the end of the day, it creates a reality.
At the end of the day, it creates the reality because that's what you see. When I look at my son and I look at the little fingernail, that's all dirty and, uh, That is the relationship I'm having with him. He doesn't even know that, but that is my reality.
My reality is that, Oh, that's gross. I really need to do this. I need to do that. Right. It's all happening inside of my head. When we create those stories, we bring up so much pain in our lives. Without this brain management, without understanding how you can truly manage the thoughts, seeing what belongs here, what doesn't belong here, what should be trashed. Right?
What should be recycled, what should be, um, restructured. When you don't have this work, we're just creating the pain. And we live in pain and we think that, okay, All of those things happening in my life creates the pain that I feel right now. And every now and then we look at it, we look at the actual facts in their life.
And it's like, Oh no, those things are not creating the pain. So we make this very simple math equation, right? It's that, okay, if my life is really good and I feel the pain. Therefore, I am the problem. And we start to live life thinking that I am the problem. I, I need, I have to get fixed. And most times it's when we come up with this very you know, basic superficial goals like I need to lose weight just to put your mind on something.
So you're not noticing how bad or how painful that life really is. We need to stop with this pattern. We really do. When I see a client talking to me about weight loss and knowing that it's just that superficial problem that she sees because she wants to you know, feel better about herself. That's not by losing weight. It's by this work, understanding your thinking, understand the stories that you were talking to yourself and reframing it and learning how to process those thoughts. It's what can give you that life of happiness and fulfillment. And that's what I really do believe everyone is looking for.
Right? We'll want in the happiness. I find it so tricky because I really don't think we want to be happy all the time. That would be weird. Right. But yet here we are chasing happiness, right? What you really want is to feel the contentment. You want to feel fulfilled. You want to look at your family and feel like you belong, right?
That you are part of this beautiful family that you created. You wanted to see your house and feel like it's home. That's what we are looking for. But you can, you can have that with the thoughts that's happening in your mind, and that's why we need to process it first. But the very first thing we need to do is to start to listen to it.
And I will tell you, this can be quite hard because you are noticing more and more all of that, what I call the psychological pain. Right? You were, you were understanding how you were creating. You're literally the creator of your pain, of the psychological pain. And it's, the pain is real and it's so hard to get out of it, especially when you're doing by yourself.
So for today, I just want you to think of two things from this episode. One is what are you thinking? What is your relationship with your, with your, what is your relationship with yourself through the thoughts that you have in your mind? Are you the best friend? Are you the, you know, someone that you want to be around?
If that internal voice, the loudest voice that talks to you all the time, if that voice was a person sitting by you on the couch and saying all those things to yourself, how would you feel towards that person? Would you listen to it? Right? Would you want to be around that? And again, this is what you're carrying with yourself the whole time until you're able to process and quiet the voice.
Now the voice will never be quiet for real. That's part of you. And I actually teach you how to love that voice. I want you to love and have compassion towards that part of you. But you don't need that voice does not need to be the loudest one, right? I want to teach you how to really quiet the voice in a way that you can hear the other voice, the self love one, the compassionate voice, the one that really wants to be with you and support you and drive you to achieve the goals you want to have just because you deserve it, right?
Just because you deserve to have the body you want, the family you want, the business you want, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled and content. And the only way you can actually achieve those things is by understanding what is happening inside of your head. What is it that creating the reality that you see right now and how to shift that in a way that it's so much more enjoyable.
Okay. I hope this helped you today. Another thing that I would ask you to think just before I go, you start to notice here, what would life be if you're not being run by the pain? Okay. Hold on. Cut this little part off, um, no, sorry. Another thing I want you to take from this episode is to notice. What do you believe life would be like if you didn't have this psychological pain running your life consistently?
What it would be like for you to just be enjoying life? And I Maybe you know really fast, maybe you already know, but a lot of times I see clients not even understanding what it's possible for them, right? So when I tell you, when you're feeling this hurt, when you're feeling this pain, imagine what it would be like to not have that.
Right. And let's say towards your husband, if you're having trouble with your marriage and not even trouble, right? Sometimes it's like, sometimes it's so quote unquote bad that you don't even feel that you're having trouble, right? You just think that that's what it is. If that's your situation, just notice what it would be like if I actually loved this person and loved being with this person and loved enjoying my time with this person, what would that be like?
And you notice how a lot of times you can't even comprehend that just yet, right? Or with your business, what would it be like if I was courageous enough to do my business the way I want, or if I had the body that I wanted to have, what would that be like if I wasn't constantly trying to lose weight?
What would that be like? Those questions I'm asking you is just to create more awareness of what can be and also how you might not believe that's even possible for you right now. So pick whatever it is, like the thoughts that you were having in your life. That's really keeping you stuck or keeping you in this psychological pain and try and shift that a little bit just to create awareness.
If you even think it's possible for you to have a life that way. I hope you enjoyed this. I really hope you can start to notice a little bit more what is happening inside of your head, because I can guarantee you it is creating your reality. Not because of love attraction, not because that's how you bring, you know, things into your life, but because that's the lenses you see the world.
If you're seeing the world with the lenses of negativity, of, Lack of self esteem. If you're seeing the world by not enoughness, right? That's the, that's the type of life you're creating. We want to stop all of these things on the level of your thoughts. And that's what I'm here to help you do. I hope you have a phenomenal week and I can't wait to see you again next week. I will talk to you soon. Bye bye.
